maria.

its a lazy wednesday afternoon, and i've pretty much stayed in bed all day hibernating.
thought i'd do some drawing cause its been a whileeee.
xxx

hide behind a mask.

bokeh!

i went onto photobucket for a bit, and it said i should look at "bokeh".
i gave it a try, and fell in love with it.
its out of focus light, i think its dead pretty :)
ima gonna go out one day and try and capture some myself.

B420!

pretty much my to do list!

bloom.

its school holidays right now, half way through already!
i was bridesmaid at my grandma's wedding (you work that one out) 2 days ago.
i've had heaps of family from england come over and stay at our house; my auntie trudi, nana, grandad...

i absolutely love trudi. she's leaving tomorrow to go back home, im actually so shattered!

all in all, wedding went aight. neil came to which made me mega ched :)
we went to crown afterwords, he was all suited up and i was in my bright pink dress, was a magic night. :)!



we had a photographer and he took soooooooooo many unnessesary photos, he's currently photoshoping them all (hahaha), then he'll send them to us. i can't wait to see themmmm!



ah fuck man, im so jealous i missed out on the show this year. everyyyyone went, first year i didn't. well i guess thanks to everyone for inviting me.. woo fucking hoo.



only 8 days left of holidays!
better go out and make the most of it!
oh just thought of t-bars and detentions makes my tummy churn. :(
better start writing some stuff again soon too, and do my god damn choice journey one day.

byeeeeeeee! x


i still miss you sometimes england..!

who are you?

logged onto facebook and was confronted by a girl saying, "thanks for the add, but who are you?"

and then it hit me.
...who am i?
i'm a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a best friend, a friend, a cousin, a student, a teenager, a pom, an australian and an italian. im everything i don't like, but also everything i love. i'm not the person i want to be, but i don't feel the need for change. i don't know who i am, i'm just a lost teenager.



life isn't about finding yourself.
life is about creating youself.

repeat.

'I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of feeling like shit.
I'm sick of letting people down, sick of choosing.
I'm sick of being frustrated with myself,
I'm sick of being unable to decide.
Sick of being unhappy, sick of having no motivation.
I'm sick of being in a rut. I'm sick of my new routine.
Got to get myself out of this rut, got to get a new routine.
I'm sick of having a headache from crying.
I'm sick of what I've become, sick of going back on my own rules.
I'm sick of having the same week over, and over, and over, and over and over and over.'

behind the curtain.

write until it hurts.

I love to write until it hurts, write until you physically need to stop because your mind is in a place that doesn't want to stop, write until you don't even know where these words are coming from. There are no boundaries. Ever. There is no one telling you what you can or cannot write. There is no wrong or right, or up or down, there is simply it. Texts. Sentences. Words. Phrases. Quotes. Paragraphs. Fullstops. It is how it is. The reader is the decoder. It is not up to you to put it into words for them, but words of your own.

There is a satisfaction unlike anything. A truth behind the truth. A beauty in the simpleness of the truth. Something so small and minute, so brutal and honest but yet to yourself it's not much at all but to someone else it could appear so capturing because the truth behind the moment of it being written can be seen. The simpleness, the no effort. Just the writers words incorporated into the readers feelings. They're the words the writer can hide behind, the frustrated mind that wants to see what is said rather then speak it.

They want to create the other persons feelings through what is said, almost manipulate their minds but in a way that it's never seen as their own fault, for the reader will read willingly, and in that willingness it is their own fault the way the mind will decode the letters and texts into feelings and words. The mind has done it, not the writer.. isn't that right? A sentence you agree with and can relate to, or a sentence you read and disagree with, but can't get enough of you continue to read. Hypocrite. But there's no one stopping you, there's no spoken words your hearing that your mind can put it back unto the other person with their vocal tone or their physical appearance.

It is just this moment, and it's all there to sweetly fuck with your mind and the writer might not know it, but their mind does, for their mind knows more then can be comprehended, but it can try, and it does, through it's texts. And don't all the commas just look so nice tucked in between a sentence to make you, pause. Relax. What, is reading so hard? Or is it your mind wanting to think about it before 'you' do? So here, there you go, another comma, for you. You're holding your breath, for me. No one else. I'm stopping you. And you're doing it. Yeah, now you... your mind understands.



its a wednesday afternoon and i am honestly so hungry right now.
neil just left, so i'm just left sitting here alone thinking. i actually havn't done a blog in so long...

not much to say really, i guess neil still makes me dead happy :), people from england are coming over next week, its september now, spring, i miss tash, i'm completely over school and i laaaahve "beautiful" by eminem.

hahaha god im a bore.
peace x