I've moved

http://hellodani.tumblr.com/

we're on our deathbeds with faded stories to be told.

I'm gonna live a million lives until I find my destiny,
the person deep down I know I'll forever wanna be
To see, Just me, at 3
A.M in the morning when the world has shut its eyes,
look behind my cold eyes and know there are no lies
no cries, failed tries
makeup will be my only mask of disguise
tattooed with sacrificial commitments of stages in my life
a victim of ink with some cut with a knife,
people that have shone and faded with me through all the strife
hearts once held on now lipstick stained sleeves
simply now empty lockets with lost keys.
memories of a bestfriend and promises of forever,
maybe i'll see her at the end
or maybe forever just meant never.
whatever. she'll be in my heart together.
forever could be right now, too slow for the human mind to register
that half the time a dream a week ago diminishes through another
a mother with a sharp tongue
a brother that wants to be number one
we grow cold, old, the fence is up and our beautys' been sold
we're on our deathbeds with faded stories to be told
regretting ever forgetting all the weekends that felt like something
but in the end were they really anything
just a few more pretty friends and a brain cells with empty shells
to throw to the floor and be kicked under the rug
right now i wanna throw in the word drug
the forever consuming enemy and ally
it'll be your alibi of the jagged path never missed
once so sweet but always the tranviliqist
of a disguise that'll see you loved, feel so above
from the world that you leave behind
when you look back, the track is black
and your hearts in a chokehold with a dagger through the middle
the cats on the moon playing for you its sad little fiddle
to set aside the seven sins that see your soul kill itself
just to free itself from the host that hid its shine
with a line, the wine, the meaningless grind
but there you are with your hands together with a confession
it's a secret session between the one thats always been there for you
we don't know what it is, who it is but something thinks we're better
we're the the trendsetter who was once a bed wetter
so big with the sweet rig, always keen to have a dig at the filthy pig
with the soul that'll see it through,
before you even half get to know the future you.
So within those million lifes and all the past and future strifes
may one day the blood spill from my eyes in vain
and may I one day never feel the rain or any physical pain
because then it will be, that i'll meet the real me
the one after all this, ill never wanna waste a minute and not be
truly free.
i guess we'll all one day see.

111; i've lived :).

(x) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Drank Alcohol
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex


SO FAR :2

LEVEL 2

(x) Are/Been In Love
(x) Been Dumped
(x) Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 6

LEVEL 3

(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-Worker
(x) Seen Someone/Something Die

SO FAR: 9

LEVEL 4

(x) Had/Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
(x) Been To Paris
(x) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 13

LEVEL 5

(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone BECAUSE of Facebook
( ) Been In A Moshpit

SO FAR: 16

LEVEL 6

(x) Taken Painkillers
(x) Love/Loved Someone You Can't Have
(x) Laid On Your Back and Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 20

LEVEL 7

(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone Mudding (Off-Roading)
(x) Played Dress-Up

SO FAR: 24

LEVEL 8

(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledging
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work/School

SO FAR: 29

LEVEL 9

(x) Watched The Sunset
(x) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 31

LEVEL 10

(x) Been Tickled
(x) Benn Robbed/Vandalized
(x) Been Cheated On
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 35

LEVEL 11

(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car/Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 38

LEVEL 12

(x) Had/Have Braces
(x) Eaten A Pint Of Ice-Cream In One Night
(x) Danced In The Moonlight

SO FAR: 41

LEVEL 13

(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
(x) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been Obsessed With Post-It Notes

SO FAR: 46

LEVEL 14

(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 51

LEVEL 15

(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recentley Coloured With Crayons/Coloured Pencils/Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 56

LEVEL 16

(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 60

LEVEL 17

(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sunset/Sunrise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach Or Anywhere

SO FAR: 64

LEVEL 18

( ) Crashed a Party
(x) Have Travelled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating/Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 67

LEVEL 19

(x) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed Penis Or Vagina
(x) Swam With The Dolphins

SO FAR: 71

LEVEL 20

(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
(x) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn the Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 75

LEVEL 21

( ) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done/Attempted A One Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours
(x) Recentley Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About

SO FAR: 78

LEVEL 22

(x) Picked An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 82

LEVEL 23

(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have Had More Than 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(x) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 85

LEVEL 24

(x) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed Into A Pool With All Your Clothes On
(x) Been Told Your Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 89

LEVEL 25

(x) Caught A Fish And Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/Been Asked To Make One
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 93

LEVEL 26

(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someones Name
(x) French Braided Someone Hair
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 99

LEVEL 27

(x) Rode A Rollercoaster
(x) Went Scuba Diving/Snorkelling
( ) Had A Cavity
(x) Been Blackmailed
(x) Blackmailed Someone

SO FAR: 103

LEVEL 28

(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Upstairs
(x) Licked By A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 108

LEVEL 29

( ) Been Shot At/Or Shot At Gunpoint
( ) Had Sex In The Rain
(x) Flattened Someones Tyres
(x) Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Light Comes On
(x) Got 5 Gallons Or Less Worth Of Gas

TOTAL: 111

"I've Done X Out Of 132 Stupid Things"

maria.

its a lazy wednesday afternoon, and i've pretty much stayed in bed all day hibernating.
thought i'd do some drawing cause its been a whileeee.
xxx

hide behind a mask.

bokeh!

i went onto photobucket for a bit, and it said i should look at "bokeh".
i gave it a try, and fell in love with it.
its out of focus light, i think its dead pretty :)
ima gonna go out one day and try and capture some myself.

B420!

pretty much my to do list!

bloom.

its school holidays right now, half way through already!
i was bridesmaid at my grandma's wedding (you work that one out) 2 days ago.
i've had heaps of family from england come over and stay at our house; my auntie trudi, nana, grandad...

i absolutely love trudi. she's leaving tomorrow to go back home, im actually so shattered!

all in all, wedding went aight. neil came to which made me mega ched :)
we went to crown afterwords, he was all suited up and i was in my bright pink dress, was a magic night. :)!



we had a photographer and he took soooooooooo many unnessesary photos, he's currently photoshoping them all (hahaha), then he'll send them to us. i can't wait to see themmmm!



ah fuck man, im so jealous i missed out on the show this year. everyyyyone went, first year i didn't. well i guess thanks to everyone for inviting me.. woo fucking hoo.



only 8 days left of holidays!
better go out and make the most of it!
oh just thought of t-bars and detentions makes my tummy churn. :(
better start writing some stuff again soon too, and do my god damn choice journey one day.

byeeeeeeee! x


i still miss you sometimes england..!

who are you?

logged onto facebook and was confronted by a girl saying, "thanks for the add, but who are you?"

and then it hit me.
...who am i?
i'm a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a best friend, a friend, a cousin, a student, a teenager, a pom, an australian and an italian. im everything i don't like, but also everything i love. i'm not the person i want to be, but i don't feel the need for change. i don't know who i am, i'm just a lost teenager.



life isn't about finding yourself.
life is about creating youself.

repeat.

'I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of feeling like shit.
I'm sick of letting people down, sick of choosing.
I'm sick of being frustrated with myself,
I'm sick of being unable to decide.
Sick of being unhappy, sick of having no motivation.
I'm sick of being in a rut. I'm sick of my new routine.
Got to get myself out of this rut, got to get a new routine.
I'm sick of having a headache from crying.
I'm sick of what I've become, sick of going back on my own rules.
I'm sick of having the same week over, and over, and over, and over and over and over.'

behind the curtain.

write until it hurts.

I love to write until it hurts, write until you physically need to stop because your mind is in a place that doesn't want to stop, write until you don't even know where these words are coming from. There are no boundaries. Ever. There is no one telling you what you can or cannot write. There is no wrong or right, or up or down, there is simply it. Texts. Sentences. Words. Phrases. Quotes. Paragraphs. Fullstops. It is how it is. The reader is the decoder. It is not up to you to put it into words for them, but words of your own.

There is a satisfaction unlike anything. A truth behind the truth. A beauty in the simpleness of the truth. Something so small and minute, so brutal and honest but yet to yourself it's not much at all but to someone else it could appear so capturing because the truth behind the moment of it being written can be seen. The simpleness, the no effort. Just the writers words incorporated into the readers feelings. They're the words the writer can hide behind, the frustrated mind that wants to see what is said rather then speak it.

They want to create the other persons feelings through what is said, almost manipulate their minds but in a way that it's never seen as their own fault, for the reader will read willingly, and in that willingness it is their own fault the way the mind will decode the letters and texts into feelings and words. The mind has done it, not the writer.. isn't that right? A sentence you agree with and can relate to, or a sentence you read and disagree with, but can't get enough of you continue to read. Hypocrite. But there's no one stopping you, there's no spoken words your hearing that your mind can put it back unto the other person with their vocal tone or their physical appearance.

It is just this moment, and it's all there to sweetly fuck with your mind and the writer might not know it, but their mind does, for their mind knows more then can be comprehended, but it can try, and it does, through it's texts. And don't all the commas just look so nice tucked in between a sentence to make you, pause. Relax. What, is reading so hard? Or is it your mind wanting to think about it before 'you' do? So here, there you go, another comma, for you. You're holding your breath, for me. No one else. I'm stopping you. And you're doing it. Yeah, now you... your mind understands.



its a wednesday afternoon and i am honestly so hungry right now.
neil just left, so i'm just left sitting here alone thinking. i actually havn't done a blog in so long...

not much to say really, i guess neil still makes me dead happy :), people from england are coming over next week, its september now, spring, i miss tash, i'm completely over school and i laaaahve "beautiful" by eminem.

hahaha god im a bore.
peace x

set the fire to the third bar.

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from me to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place, where I'd find your face
My fingers in creases, of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in silence

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Is like music to me

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
And, sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
And, sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
And, sets me down in your warm arms



do you ever get it, when you're listening to a song on your ipod, and you really listen to the lyrics?
like, really listen hard?
its not background music anymore, its the only thing you can hear?
everything around you becomes a blur. the music is all you focus on.
and it reaches down and touches your soul, and a shiver sneaks its way down your spine.
and thats when you realise.

soulmates never die.

I'm sitting at a cafe today, alone and so numb but I'm smiling
and I remember every time you used to kiss me so softly
on my nose and the look in your eyes that I miss more then you
and something in me turns warm and I can't help but wonder
if you are God himself because I always said as a child
that love was weak and never would I love a person
other then the man and the holy God himself so for me to be
sitting here, sipping on my warm coffee not even tasting the drops
but tasting your lips and smelling your scent must be absurd in a world
that clambers louder then the clambering in this world itself, but then again
maybe i'm the one thats so mad to think that another person
in this world could ever complete me more then i complete myself
when after all i always thought i was more whole then a hole once filled
but now that i think about it im not whole because i was the hole
upon this clambering earth and you were the soil that filled me to the brim
as together we became not two, but one beautiful plant of happiness
sprouting to create something so beautiful nothing in this world could
ever compare to what we were as I would soon come to find and realize
and i bustle my way through these busy streets still not even thinking or feeling
the effects of the coffee i drank and paid for, i even opened the door and hopped
on a tram, cos all i can think of is your palms across my body tracing every arch
and the tingles across my skin that i loved so much but i'd always pull away
though i wanted it more then anything much like you next to me when i was angry
but deep down i was never angry i just wanted you to be closer to me and to
hold me in your arms because nothing made me feel more safe then being in them,
so here i am states apart as well as mind and body and the breeze is so cold here
but i'm sure where you are its non existant like the sun here but same too im sure
its all there with you where deep down i know i should be because its not love that
captivated me with you, but the friendship of unlike anything i've ever come across
like soulmates finding eachother you and me were in a world of our own but if i'm right
about all of this and if you know me i'm usually correct, then it doesnt matter that im
not there with you now, or the fact that i left or didnt come back when i thought i did,
and it doesn't matter that other girls might come and go through your life while im away
as boys will through mine, none of it matters at all because since it wasn't love that made
me fall for you, but who you are inside entwined with who i am, well we'll always be that
and you will always be you, so it might be in another life or it might be in years or even decades
from now that i return to you with my perfect teeth like i promised i'd get and tear your
future girlfriend away with a smile so evil but you'd agree we'd always promised that, so it
might be a while, but we'll be us again and not once through this did i put a full stop and i did
it for a reason because with us there might be pauses, but there is no end to soulmates
for it is not the outer that they see upon the other, but who, deep down upon the beauty
of the heart and the true being inside is who they fall for.

traintracks!

well, i’m now strapped into some sexy grills since wednesday. ahaha nahh, i knew i'd be getting braces for a while and had been going through the pre-brace stuff, but now i’ve got them for real, and my god do they hurt like a bitch.
so for the next year and a half to 2 years my mouth is going to be full of metal.
i’ll spare you the picture.

i really don’t mind them too much. its been 4 days since they were whacked on but i'm a bit more used to them now. i got these clear/invisible ones on the top which are heaps unnoticeable and the bottom ones are yummy metal and white. Okay, yeah, it’s annoying and makes me look 10% more ugly but whatever.


i love natasha clarke and im not allowing her to leave me for china!
evereverever. :(

haha,
phones going so better bounce,
peace x

i've never met another you.

I told you nothing sounds as sweet as it did that night,
it's like you hold on to that moment, cherish it like those seconds,
and you think to yourself there will be more,
like the drinks, like the kisses, but i've never met another you.
I've got my head in my hands and theres still traces of my heart there,
the same one I never held out to you cos i'd dropped to the floor before it got anywhere.
It's funny how I could have sworn I'd dreamt of you one cold night,
and then before i knew it there you were, and I never even held you tight like I did everyone else
Sometimes you think the ones that mean the most will always be there,
but like the moments we shared, theyre jaded by the liquor and faded by the mind
and all thats left the next morning is a silence of swallows and a heart thats as hazy as the weary eyes.
And they say that theres a million more out there, like the sailors all at sea,
but if thats the case then why does Romeo still only love Juliet?
Nights will go on and I'll keep on smiling, I'll even hold his hand and nod a smile your way
but the music will never sound as sweet as it did that night, cos I'll never meet another you.

I hope you find yourself one day.

"You know what I says, I says Smile. I says put on your brightest knickers, and I mean on your head. I say if drugs make you happy take them, take them all, OD, Hate life, then at least when your back on track life will be better then ever before.
I says draw on permanent texta on all your books, I says hide all your savings in your magazines then forget and throw them out, I says laugh about it, laugh about fucking everything, laugh about your friends boyfriend cheating on her, laugh about breaking your leg, laugh about death, laugh about every single thing in this universe, you might be in the shittest mood ever created but it will make you feel better.
I says fuck friends, not physically but just fuck them, they wont always be there for you, theyll all get jealous if you get something good and they all wanna see themselves be better then you, you might have a big heart but loves the world, fuck zee friends, the best friends in the world are the strangers. I says make signs of what you believe in and sit in a city you know no one and smile. I say write whatever zee fuck you want, wherever the fuck you want.
I say love every one you want to, they might not love you back but who cares, burn their house down if they dont love you it will be fun, i promise. I says do whatever you wanna do, believe in whatever you wanna believe. Some days I think God created me on Earth as a female version of Jesus, Seriously, then other days I sober up and think, Hmm, damn, Jesus didn't take drugs, there goes me.
I says walk around wherever you want naked, Adam and Eve did it! I says screw believing other religions, make your own! I says drugs are bad, but even I dont listen to myself. I says fuckk everyone who talks shit, I says world peace. I says say wrong, but I like it. I say experiment with your sexuality its all a freakin gift, I says have love for the world, have peace for yourself, never stop imagining and create a life that you wouldnt want anyyyy otherrr wayyyy!
I says all this, but this is me, Be the you that people wanna fall in love with, tell me you wanna blow up a school, Don't worry I'll love you always"

- March Roze

with the wind blowing through her hair.

just a quick one today - i'm a little tired from today going to altona with the boyfriend and getting up at EIGHT O'CLOCK on a school holiday morning but whatever.



lately at night im always finding myself up here in my room, cuppa tea in hand, wearing boyfriends jumper, on the phone and listening to jack johnson.
love it.
but shit i need a night out soon!

my eyes are spazzing on me so i better bounce,
peace x

5:27pm.

5:27pm.
saturday.
ipod.
numb fingers.
shivering.
sitting here for almost 3 hours.
strange mood, chill but inspired?
hence the thoughts down there.
hungry.
im happy but i don't feel like talking to anyone.
back hurts.
and bloody hell, its absolutely freezing at the moment.
drinking tea.
boyfriends jumper keeping me warm.
lifeeees good :)
peace x

thoughts.

When was the moment you stopped smiling at your own reflection only to stare at your every thought of a flaw.. of what you don't think is 'pretty'?
They can all tell you you're pretty, you're hot, you're flawed or you're nothing... but I dont care what they say...
I might not be anyone special, but I hate to see you frown over something so wrong...You are beautiful. Inside. I see straight through the mask you wear.
Your body might be your shell, but why hide? You're the real type of beautiful, not the one that’s so misused in this corrupted day.
This right now is your life. This moment. Your life is not the memories you keep within your mind, nor is it the feelings you feel for the ones you love or the friendships you have. This moment, is exactly it.
Your life is not yesterday, or the day before that, Your life is not even tomorrow. It is still, you, reading this, right now. Your life is not what you live, it is who you are.
The girl you are inside that you once saw and believed in so much in those now so empty eyes. The girl that hides herself from the world through a face of makeup and a smile that she hopes to be accepted for as ‘their’ type of beautiful with your clothes, your hair, your choices...
Because that’s when you think you’ll be beautiful isn’t it? When that boy looks at you with prying eyes, up and down..
Does that really actually make you feel pretty?

deux.

thursday night. i should be out enjoying myself, but due to lack of funds and lack of friends i'm staying in and washing my hair.

i had to go into school today with my coughing fits and my mute voice, i was coughing like an absolute spaz so yeah i'm kinda dying and all.
haha.

hmm so right now im currently up in my room, eating an apple. which may i add is so ridicuously sour that im making this gay face every time i bite it. ha.
after china i persuaded mum to buy me one of those apple cutter things, i went skitz over it in the kitchen in china, its fab - i love it to death.

i just got dressed out of my uniform and into trackies and a jumper. love it! turns out i'm actually happy with what my waist looks like for once. no doubt that will change in, er, 5 minutes?
last night was a night i will never forget, lets just say i got something off my chest, and it felt so good.
and not to forget the new series of chasers! *spaz*

walked to neils after school. took like, 40 minutes? but it was an alright walk, except its so freezing and drizzly at the moment.
may i mention that my computer is now the equivalent to a 90 year old man. its so slow and makes this weird snoring-ish noise, and keeps stopping. grr!
i downloaded heaps of new songs yesterday, and i'll send out a mention to "From Yesterday - 30 Seconds to Mars"... addicted!

my dad's moaning for me to get off the computer so i better bounce.
peace x

wednesday mornings.

my first official blog post, i thought it was a pretty good way of documenting my life starting from: now.
here's a taster of what you can expect from me:
many many typo's
moaning about school
moaning about relationships (no matter how well they're going)
photography
swearing
photos
writings

sounds like a pretty good deal to me, don't you agree? so anyway, i have an absolutely TERRIBLE cough at the moment. it seems to settle down in the day, but as soon as my head hits the pillow, fucking hell, it's stupidly annoying. last night i must have got about 2 hours sleep max, it was horrific. i coughed so hard i thought my throat was on fire, lovely. so i'm not at school today, just sitting at home all alone with no voice. sucks, was meant to have my singing lesson today. ha.

oh well. no texts yet from anyone. bah!
i just got back from china a week ago today. went with school for 5 weeks, and i absolutely loved it. when you're over there you forget how stressful and completely gay school is. grr.
still havn't caught up on my sleep - should probably do something about that...
so i'm wearing my I Love Beijing shirt (in characters), which is fab and so comfy.
don't you just love those days were you're in trackies, a jumper and wearing no make up?
i love winter.

tonight's going to be just like any other wednesday night. eat, msn, bed.
and with that thought, i think i'm going to leave.